Relationships&&Love

Lesson Three:

I don't know where to start with this one. This guy will always be my friend. This was around the time I was going through things at home. I was 16 turning 17 years old. I ended up going to military school. I know you probably thinking "what the hell were you doing? Military school?". Yes times were hard for me back then and dealing with a lot of at home changes I didn't know how to cop or deal with at the time. Don't get me wrong I wasn't a bad child. I just reacted to a lot of things negatively and really had no one to go to, literally no one. That's a topic for another day. We met in a military school. It had strict rules but somehow we made it work. This was my first relationship where I experienced a lot of jealousy and people not wanting to see us together. On weekends we'd have home passes so he would come and visit. We eventually graduated and we still dated even after. We had ups and downs but we stuck it out. He had a bit of an anger issue. At the time I didn't pay too much attention to it and I wanted to try to help with it. It took me a while to realize its certain things you cant help a male with, it seriously starts from home. 9 or 10 months down the line things were ok but we ended up having a talk and it was something I should have thought about more. I gave up the goods ladies and gentlemen, or lets say i became a woman! The experience wasn't bad. I can say I wish I would have just waited. It wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. I can’t say my mom didn't warn me. Two weeks later he broke up with me. We had a lot more issues after having sex. Adult feelings I wasn't quite ready for. Sex is a real adult decision and something you really should really think about before trying it. I cried and everything after. It was 4 months to my 18th birthday. I could have waited point blank. After the break up like all the others, he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. I was young and naïve and he was my first love, so I played his game. He would talk to me but have other girls like any other young guy. First time I experienced having a girl message me about a guy that didn't belong to me or her. Girls would inbox me talking mess like I’m the problem. This was the first call of many. He treated me bad after a while. It seems like that's what they all do when they know they are messing up, its like they have to make you feel bad about any little thing. Accuse when its the accuser that's the guilty one. That’s females too. My friends hated him and did not want us dealing with each other. I deal with hurt and pain differently then other. Some may say im overly sensitive or overly dramatic. I was in love for the first time and I never thought that the person I gave my virginity to would hurt me. I had pride in holding on to that for the right one. Hey as the saying goes "shit happens". After a few months I ended up finding out he had a girlfriend and was hiding her. Don't get me wrong I was sad at first and really hurt but my 18th birthday was in 3 weeks, so that helped get over it quicker. This was another lesson I received about devaluing and un-appreciation. This time I actually gave a big part of myself. Honestly this is when I was actually a good girlfriend and not annoying or trust issues. I was actually trying really hard at this love thing back then. Boys can sometimes play games with love and not realize love isn't a game you play with. Its something you genuinely do and have for a person.  

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