Part 2: Relationships&&Love

I never realized how much having an official title meant.  With me not being his official girlfriend, caused a lot of issues. Now around this time things had really fallen apart. We still talked everyday but it was just more arguing and complaining from both ends. You see I was just coming home so I had to completely start over. I didn’t have a car or job just yet. He had just upgraded jobs and its was just not the same anymore. It was like he was getting where he wanted to be but just left me behind. I say this because it wasn’t until he got a better job that he stops really hanging with me and hanging with his “friends”. I no longer mattered to him. I wasn’t on his level. He would throw it in my face sometimes. Men don’t realize they can push insecurities on a woman. Instead of talking down and throwing things in their face, build her, help her, push her. He didn’t do that. I did that for him, when I was on and in school I pushed him often and talked to him and was there for him. He wouldn’t do that for me. As the months went by, we argued more and talked less. We talked everyday but it was more arguing than anything. You see I’m not dumb, I knew he had someone else or others period. I wasn’t dealing with or messed with anyone else. I didn’t want to, all I wanted and felt like I needed was him. He would always lie and say it was just me or he wants to just “focus on himself”. Yea I’m pretty sure we’ve all heard those lies before. One day around spring 2015, we decided to spend some time together. We hung out other times before but not like how the old days would be. We went back to his house and talked and enjoyed each other’s company. Before its time for me to go home, I saw a pair of earrings on his dresser. They were not mine. I got really pissed but I know my temper and my habits so I waited until I calmed down. Once I was calm I asked him “who does those earrings belong to?”. He proceeded to lie and said, “My homeboy homegirl left those at my house so I put them in my room.” I flipped out and I knew he was lying, the way he explained the story was just dumb to me. After that day, I didn’t speak to him for a while. He texted me of course but I was still mad. I hate when people play with my intelligence. It was getting close to our birthdays. We are both born in the same month and we usually hang around each other. Weeks before I got tickets to this amusement park Carowinds. He had been talking about it since I lived in Charlotte, so he had no idea really. We weren’t really getting along but we’re best friends. It was our month and it was time to celebrate. My birthday was first and I was having a dinner. I mentioned it to him but he kind of blew me off. My day came around and he didn’t come. I forgave him like always but it still hurt. A week or so later I told him about the tickets. He didn’t believe me at all. I mean I understood why, we weren’t greatest of friends around that time. As the days got close to his birthday things were ok but just on a friend level type of close. He still loved me, he would say and he still wanted to be with me, but things just had to calm down for a while. The night before we went to Carowinds he asked me to come over. He was so intoxicated when I arrived. He was drinking with a bunch of friends that night. He was laid out on the driveway. When he saw me, he blurted loudly “Jasmin ooohhh Jasmin, come give me some of that good loving.” He pulled me towards him and I smelt alcohol all over him. His friend told me he was throwing up and I smelt that to. We finally got him in the house that night. It was crazy. We went off on our adventure together the next day. We had an amazing day together. We got on I think just about every ride. He doesn’t know, but I have a fear of heights and roller coasters. I sucked it up for a day and went. We hung out with one of his friends that night. We didn’t leave Charlotte until 3 that morning. We had a great time. As months went by we started getting closer. All that summer and fall its was him and me all the time. It was a lot better. Different but better. He would still bring up the fact I never told him yes to being together. What some people may think I was holding off or afraid of commitment or I was playing and didn’t want to be with him. I wasn’t holding off, I just knew before I gave him that yes that would just be the first or many yeses. I didn’t see just a relationship when I looked at him, I saw my whole future and everything I was going to be with him and beside him. I wanted that but that commitment he wasn’t ready for. I don’t want infidelities in my last relationship. I want to trust him completely with my heart. He asked me on a date and I said yes. He knew my favorite thing in the world is food and I love breakfast. He took me to breakfast and after got movies and went to his house and watched fashion shows, movies and talked for hours. A day I will never forget. Later this same year we would have disagreements but it wasn’t big or major. One day we were on the phone and he was complaining about how he wasn’t feeling well. The night before he hung out with a few co-workers and they had been drinking. He wasn’t feeling well. He threw up at work and told me to call his mom so I called her. I was working that day but he went into the hospital and was admitted. It was more serious then we thought. I cried like a little punk but he was alright though. He went home and the night he went home I was working so I came the next day and the day after. Almost everyday that week. Just to be under him and make sure he was good. Winter was coming, holiday season was arriving. I had to make a road trip to New York and I asked him to come along. He did and it wasn’t a good experience. He was in his phone the whole time, I was nervous and panicking. All he cared about was the fact he’d never been before and allllll his friends just had to see. Wrong! On the way home, we talked and listened to each other’s side and worked it out. Weeks later after our trip I ended up finding out about another girl, she worked for his aunt. She came often, she knew or had an idea about who I was. So weekly she would come to my job. I was clueless. That’s the problem I’m always clueless. She came with her family one day and decided she wanted to talk to me. She asked me a question, I knew something was up. She asked how I knew the lady she worked for and I answered and said, “I’ve been on and off dating her nephew for about 3 years now.” She asked something else but she got what she needed off that first answer I gave. She didn’t come around for a couple weeks but found me on Facebook. A day or two later she messaged me asking questions about me and him. She was angry and bothered by my responses. She explained they were messing around earlier in the year and she loved him. I wanted to tell her you and five other girls, get in line baby girl. This is when I realized I need to always follow my females instinct. Trust my gut feelings and believe in my woman’s intuition. I knew something had happened. I knew he was out there messing with multiple girls. I again was embarrassed. I put a lot on the line for him and try so hard and he just does things and lie to me about it. To him he was protecting my feelings to me he just wanted to embarrass me and have me out looking stupid. He explained the situation with her and told me she meant nothing to him. All things he’s said before. People wondered why I didn’t say yes to being with him. I knew things like this would still happen and I didn’t want to give him that power.  After a while I forgave him. We went on a date out of town.  My trust wasn’t there yet. Time went by and we got into a really bad argument. We didn’t talk for a couple of days. He called me and we have a normal conversation like everything was ok. Later that night he texted me and confessed he messed up bad and wanted to be honest about it. He told me he had messed around with another girl (this is a different one) and he felt bad because he knows that not what he wants. He said he told her about me and that he desired a relationship with me. He apologized over and over even came over to my house to explain and we talked. I didn’t want him touching me for a while. I was hurt and disappointed. The loving, forgiving, and naïve me gave him another chance. He tried making up it to me. Even made our Valentine’s Day amazing. We often went out and spent time together and going for breakfast and lunch. Him and I loved tattoos and ink work. We used to talk about going together one day. This day came true and my heart grew 10x bigger for him. He mentioned it to me, at first I thought he was joking but he was very serious. We were getting identical tattoos. We planned a date and picked out what we were going to get. The day came and we went in together and showed the guy what we wanted and he gave a reasonable price. I went first and he recorded the whole thing. Then he went after me. After it was all said and tattooed, they came out beautifully. Yea we made a crazy decision but what we did felt right and to us it was right, we were right. I was so happy. I bet you guys think this is where the happy ending came in. 

To be continued...