I Just Want To Breathe

I just want to take some time away. I know I’m not the only person who feels that way sometimes but it’s needed. I need to breathe and feel all my natural ways. The glorious feeling of becoming myself at my natural glow. I missed being able to think freely and not be afraid of someones approval and or is judging me. Relationship wise, we all know I’m celibate until God brings someone along. It’s ok but it’s not the best feeling. So much temptation and energy. I do a lot of staying in the house and staying to myself. It helps the situation a lot better. I’ve taken myself away from a lot of people and put my complete focus on life. A little isolation is good for the soul and spirit. I can take on a lot more and I feel stronger as the day goes on. It’s like I’m recreating myself and God is giving me the vision to do so. Honestly if I didn’t know him I wouldn’t be able to do this. I’m also smart enough to understand I need love and in the right ways. I also have fears I’ll forever be this way and no man will ever commit but I keep the faith. Work is crazy and trying to find something I really like, at least til school starts. The cold whether makes everything so hard. I keep going, I keep my head held high. I just sometimes want all the thoughts and worries to go away just for a second. I want to breathe in deep and release all negative, hurtful, crazy, distractions. Everyone tells me it’s one step at a time. I can’t keep hearing that and still feeling how I feel everyday. The days are so slow and I still just want to breath and feel like is ok to live. I try to push open bright doors that read my future, it’s beautiful, but I still have some traveling to do just to get to it. Patience is a virtue. I’m learning to wait on God but push forward with my faith. Only time will tell. I hope you guys are still there.