New Zoning

Some days I get home sick. I think about my life I had before I moved, it wasn’t better but it was normal to me. I had close friends and family always around and everything was close. Living here now, it’s a lot different. At home I always felt like an outcast like I didn’t belong. When I moved it’s the same feeling. I guess it’s meant to be that way. I have to accept that I am who I am. Regardless alone or in a room full of people. Finding myself and the one thing that makes me glow is hard!!!! It’s crazy having so many thoughts but not quite the right one. It’s all a process everyone tells me it will come to me. I just want a hobby I’ll enjoy and stay consistent with. I get bored fast that’s why I don’t mind when some people walk out of my life. I get bored. They or their energy no longer interest me. I miss home only because I had a normal routine and a routined life that revolved around my friends and my ex guy. It’s a struggle being alone it really is. I’ve had days I sit at home (New York) and think about everyone and just cry, because I missed my life. I had to think hard, what am I really missing? In reality I hated my life because I was under a depression and I was comfortable with it. I was comfortable with the treatments and the people looking past me or over me. Being that it was my everyday life style it was normal and acceptable. I wasn’t happy in the south I never was. Since I’ve taken myself out of the depressing comfort zone I have to readjust and create a happy, high energy comfort zone for myself. I go see a therapist and it helps out a lot. Blogging also helps with a better environment. Talking things out and reevaluating what went wrong and starting things over again. One step at a time.